Today I am sharing a letter. I wrote it to myself, but I'm thinking I'm not the only one who needs to read this.
We all dreamed of being that beautiful, well-put-together Mother. The one who is endlessly creative, and compassionate. The one whose children are happy, well-fed, clean, good, healthy and perfect. The one who doesn't get so incredibly angry so damn often. That Mother, she exists (or a version of her exists). Some women do seem to float through motherhood with ease. They do seem to do this so much better than you. But can I let you in on a secret? Even the soft and fluffy Mums feel like they're failing. Nobody gets it all perfect. But we all have our crosses to bear, and maybe parenthood is not that particular woman's cross. While you can admire her and her chilled-out capabilities, you are not, and will never be, her. And you don't have to be.
Let's face it. Before you had children, the words 'serene' and 'placid' were never going to be used to describe you. And since you now know that pregnancy (unfortunately) doesn't come with a personality transplant, you're still you. Passionate, disorganized, excitable. You have many good qualities, but you're also stuffed with bad ones. You can work to change some things about yourself, (it certainly wouldn't hurt to take a chill pill every now and then), but to some extent, you have to work with what you are. You can't shove a cat in a dog costume and make it a dog. It's still just a cat pretending to be a dog. Change can and should happen, but some things just are what they are, in many ways You are what you are, and what you have is what you've got.
But, what you've got is okay. In fact it's more than okay. It's exactly what your children need.
Let that one sink in for a second. In fact I'll say it again, because I know you really need to pay attention to this.
You are exactly what your children need.
God knit these children in your womb. He knows you. He knew what trials you were going to have to face, and he knew what he was doing when he gave them to you. He believes you are the best person to be their Mum.
You. Not a prettier, more well dressed, slimmer, more patient, more organized, less grumpy version of yourself which doesn't exist right now. The person you are, the qualities you have, are the exact qualities that your children need. Your children need You. You, to be their Mum. Not your Mother. Not your husband. Not the super-parent you read about or the one you run into downtown every week. You.
God is for you. He knew you were going to shout and scream, and want to hit them at times because you are just so incredibly frustrated. Before your husband even looked at you with that twinkle in his eye, He knew, God knew that you would sob and sob and sob. That you would hate this. That you would feel completely and utterly incapable of the task that is set before you. He sees you grief and your pain, your shame and your anguish. He understand and he wants to share it with you, and lift your burden.
But He believes, He knows, that you are the absolute best person for this job.
I know you are tired. More tired than you imagined you could be. I know you are weary, and you are lonely, and this task just seems to have no end. But it does. You are not alone. The maker of the Universe is with you, every step of the way. With Him, you can do this, and not just do it. You can do this well.
You may not be the Mother you thought you'd be, or the one you wish you were. There might be obstacles, and challenges. (scratch that, there are going to be obstacles and challenges). You will not do everything the way you should, or the way you want to. But you can do this. You can do this.
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6